i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
