NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When are your genitals available?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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