I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
