3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
