K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
