I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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