my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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