Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
