from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
