Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
