i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
