she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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