He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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