Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize