The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
