hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
