my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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