i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
