There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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