remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
