I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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