Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
