So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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