we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
