I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
