just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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