there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
