my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
