I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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