I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her vagine was all disorganized.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When are your genitals available?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
