the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Enjoy the penises
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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