The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
