i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
where are my eyebrows?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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