I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm both gender and math confused
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
