his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
