Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
