So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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