Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
