just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
