you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize