the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
