Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
