We're facebook friends in real life
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
