ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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