Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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