Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
