Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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