Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
