i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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