Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
