i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
