I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
