Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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