So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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