Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
