Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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