well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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