You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
