So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
