He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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