I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just gift wrapped bread.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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