i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
