I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
