He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
