yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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