he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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