i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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