I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
